Cordoned By Me

My 7 Havens!

2009-09-07T11:59:00.003+05:30

7 places I absolutely love with or without reasons :)

1. Defence colony, Ambajhari, Nagpur - The green and calm neighbourhood. The place where I made friends for life, KV (my school), ATS ground (The most happening place for us), Chota park (Small Park) and Bada park (Big park), Dance class, each and every street. I spent 15 years of my life their and still relate to that simple living. Accomplished a lot of things and was famous also. :D

2. VasantRao Deshpande Hall, Nagpur - I gave my first performance there. The anxiety and the excitement all combined, moments before my performance and the loud cheers and applauses of people when I strike the final pose... is definitely the best feeling and my craving never ends.

3. YCCE, Nagpur - The place where I had entered with lots of dreams and confusion (which by the way is always there). Fights, friendships, love, celebrations, laughter, The Quest... it all happened here. Wish to go back and study a bit more... Naah, no way! More fun sounds more like it :)

3. Reliance Stairs, Bavdhan, Pune - Away from the hustle and bustle of the surrounding, dark but full of colours we painted it with. Cold but filled with the warmth of the people around. Long chats, birthday celebrations, emotion overflowed at times, reunion with friends.. everything happened there.

4. Flat no. 4, Shyamla Regency, Pune - Definitely a home away from home irrespective of the amount of time i spent at home. (You can stop nodding Yammy :P). A place where humanities evolved and crashed at times. :)

5. Sus Road Tekdi - Actually there are 2 of them. When i discovered the first one with someone, nothing looked more beautiful than that place, that very evening. The other tekdi was more like a relax and retrospect kind of a place. Amazing just amazing!

6. KPIT cafeteria - I would always get the much needed upliftment of spirit there. My first job's first cafeteria! The eventually "it turned out long" short breaks, over a cup of tea/coffee with cookies, laughing about nothing, try to console each other when bosses/work made our life hell, meetings (yes we had serious, all work, tea meetings :)).
Just for all that, I want to come back.

7. The outings - Though I love all the outings I managed to be a part of while in Pune. But playing fair to mention just one place, I would say the best one was definitely the Konakan bike entourage! Sheer bliss. :D

Ended up giving detailed reasons here. :P
But I loved doing this.

Keeping up with the tradition I now tag:

Varghese - http://dopedwithenthusiasm.blogspot.com/
Veeru - http://veerendrashirole.blogspot.com/
Aniket - http://dopedwithenthusiasm.blogspot.com/
Robo - you can mail it to me or start a blog with this for which I am earnestly waiting.
Debo - I would love to read you list too.
Praveen - http://apostateblogger.blogspot.com/

Waiting...

That thing called LiFE

2009-09-04T13:16:00.004+05:30

Life unfolds itself at its own pace!

well.. He thought otherwise and set out to prove it.
What happens when we decide to uncover all the hidden mysteries on our own?
What happens when we try to deviate from the usual course of our life. Destiny might have been defined and inscribed in a stone tablet even before we were born. But, his tablet fell down and broke into pieces. He apparently didn't take care enough to preserve his predestined future.
He chose to be a rebel, he chose to explore the unexplored.

He was alone. All the people he was supposed to meet according to his destiny were lost and crushed with that stone tablet.
He set out on a new mission, a mission he called "Life"!
He came across hurdles, he saw the creation in his own light. It felt almost as being born again.
It was a strange game because though he couldn't see anybody around, all the people were there right where he had left them. But blinded by this light, that he had found and all the images and memories crushed with the stone, there was no one to hold his hand, no one to correct his mistakes, no one he could run to.
He was excited but scared also.
He was full of vigour but his fears were paralyzing at times.
He was all new but felt stale inside.

He used to run all day, run hard, run for getting his life back. At nights he would sleep but that was no good either as his dreams were madness. He couldn't make sense of all this. He couldn't recognize the characters in his dreams. There were voices from the past. At times he could hear
someone crying. At times a hand stretching towards him, desperately trying to hold him, desperate faces trying to take control of things.

Wiping the sweat beads every morning, he gathered all his strength and set out to make something fruitful out of all this ordeal. He still had one connection intact and as strong as it could be that helps him carry on.
His teacher, his God!

This post is dedicated to all the teachers I've had and to life (which definitely is the best teacher)!

Happy Teacher's Day!

Not Without You

2009-06-02T17:05:00.007+05:30

Shawn loved his dad more than anything in the world. When his mother left them to marry someone else, Shawn was just 8 years old. His little brain never understood why his mother had to leave such a wonderful husband? He was ashamed and full of anger. From that day he had developed a repellent behavior towards all women. He was happy with his small and comforting world with his Dad.

David worked for an interior designing firm, A La Decor. You could notice him from a distance because of his tall lanky figure and strong grave voice. His work was highly praised and he bagged all the best projects. He was content and never really looked around for female company. He was too busy for that... too busy bringing up Shawn and with his work.

His new assignment required him to go to Mumbai and it also came with an increment and a promotion. He was elated but didn’t know how Shawn would take it. It required him to be away for 6 long months but with Jane, his sister and her husband Joshua around, David didn’t have much to worry about.

David broke the news to Shawn about being away for 6 months. Shawn was disappointed but like a matured guy said, “That’s great Dad! Go and Make big money and then we’ll go to watch a real football game when you’re back.”

David hugged his son and promised to call everyday. Sometimes David felt guilty for snatching away his son’s innocence at such an early age.

Shawn quipped after a while saying, “Just that won’t do but if you club it with a promise to get me a play station, I’ll do just fine.”
They gave a hearty laugh and they both began packing for David.

In the morning, David and Shawn were joined by Jane and Joshua. They said their prayers, had break fast and then David left.

Shawn didn’t cry. He believed it was only girls who cried and for all the wrong reasons. He waved good bye with a broad smile. Shawn’s eyes followed David’s car till it vanished at the horizon. “I am gonna miss you Dad.”

David’s new office was huge. He was given a personal cabin overlooking the Bandra - Worli sea link. His intercom buzzed.
“David, I would like you to meet your new team now. Leena would be assisting you throughout. She’ll take you through the project details and introduce you to the team as well.”

“Right Sir.”

There was a soft knock on the door.

“Come in.”

Leena walked into the room with a bunch of folders in one hand and flowers in the other. She was looking beautiful in the simple blue cotton saari. Elegant and confident David said to himself.
She placed the flowers in the vase deftly. “Hi David. I hope you are all settled. It would be a difficult transition from the quite of Dehradun to the hustle bustle of Mumbai?”

“Yeah… its very humid as well out here and the local trains are no help. I’ll take some time to get used to all this, I guess.”

“You’ll be alright, David.” She smiled the most beautiful smile David had ever seen.

“I believe you have gone through the project proposal already. I’ll still run you through it.”

She was intelligent. David noticed. He was bowled over by her.

Life was too hectic as expected and pressure was high with the magnitude of work and expectations. David finished the work well before the deadline and it was a big help and comfort to have Leena around. The project was a smashing success and David was on the top of the world. He immediately called Shawn and gave him the news.

“Hey buddy, I miss you a lot.” Shawn couldn’t contain his happiness because soon David would be back, all to himself.

“I missed you too Dad. When are you coming back? Have you booked your ticket?”

There was a silence. David didn’t know how to say this. He cleared his throat and went on “Coming soon Son… ummmm, listen up Shawn. There is someone coming along with me. She is a nice person and I am sure you would be glad to meet her.”

“Uh… huh..” Shawn didn’t know what to say.
Did he hear “she”?

Whole night Shawn twisted and turned in his bed for a long time. Questions flooding his mind.

Flight was scheduled to land at 5 in the morning and since the airport was close by David reached home at 6 A.M. Shawn was already up and ready. Excitement, anxiety and above all the fear of facing a lady was written large on his face. David came out of the cab. Shawn ran and hugged him tight as if sensing some sort of infiltration he hugged him even more when Leena emerged from the other side.

Leena had been brought up in a very conservative Mallu family. Her father, a retired colonel had always been a doting father but very disciplined. While Leena’s Mom was hysteric about her decision to marry a divorcee, Leena’s father had developed a liking for David. They clicked instantly. But before really going ahead with the marriage plan, David made it clear that he will have to take Shawn’s consent. Everyone agreed and thus Leena came with David to meet Shawn.

“Hi Shawn”

“Uh… Hi… Dad, I missed you a lot. Come I’ll show you the trophy I won in the inter schoool football game last month.” He almost avoided confronting Leena.

They went inside with Leena in tow. He very gingerly took out the glass and gold trophy from the shelf and handed it over to David carefully avoiding looking in Leena’s direction. David hugged and congratulated him, “That’s like my boy! Shawn, would you like to show your trophy to Leena? I’ll get some tea.”

“That’s a nice trophy Shawn. So you are on the defense or the attack side?” Leena desperately tried to strike up a conversation.

Shawn looked away again and after replacing his treasured trophy followed David to the kitchen. Leena simply went after him. David saw her and smiled. Leena was a bit tensed.

She tried again with calm and smiling her nicest smile ever, “So Shawn, where is your school? You didn’t go today?”

“My vacations are going on and besides I had to be here to welcome Dad.” He replied curtly.

Sigh. At least he replied.

She glanced around in the kitchen and saw a photograph of Shawn and David fixed on the fridge.

Again she started thinking about her decision. Would it work? Would Shawn ever accept her?

She was jolted when David handed her the cup with the same soothing smile that had captivated her the very first time. She then looked at Shawn who was staring at her like a detective stares at a fugitive. He was forcing her to reveal her identity and leave his cocoon right away without causing further disruption.

They sat together in the lawn and started chatting with mostly Leena keeping quiet or being cut in between by Shawn who was determined not to let her speak... It was difficult for her as well. She loved kids but she never expected to start her married life like this. Shawn was no help either.

They had a rather quite dinner that night. Every mind had one or the other question troubling them.

Shawn “When is she going to go back? I hate her.”

David, “This looks like the perfect family to me. I love her.”

Leena, “…..?????. I wish I could make things better. Will he ever accept me?”

They all said good night and went off to sleep. After almost an hour, Shawn unable to sleep, nudged David who was also wide awake and asked, “Dad, why didn’t she go back to her house? I don’t like her.”
David sensing his insecurity assured him that Leena would be leaving soon but he should give her chance and she would make a nice friend.

Shawn looked into David’s eyes, as if voicing his worst fears ever asked, “You like her, Right? You want to marry her?”

David was caught unawares and didn’t know how to respond. He then grabbed the opportunity and said, “Shawn. You are my best buddy and I have to tell this to you. I love Leena and am really hoping to marry and make her a part of our lives. Shawn, I am sure you’ll like her. Try talking to her. Won’t you do that for me buddy?”

“Yeah. Sure Dad.” His matured self surfaced again and David felt bad.

Almost a week passed by. Each day brought the same routine for all. Leena trying sincerely to get closer to Shawn. Shawn trying hard to evade all persuasions and David exasperated managing his responsibilities, his needs and his job.

It was full moon night. Leena was packing her bags to leave the next morning and David was with Shawn in the room. Leena and David never got a chance to spend time alone like they did in Mumbai. After packing, Leena sat on the edge of her bed silently crying sensing her failure and the fear of losing out on being a part of David’s life. She got up to get some water. It was dark and she fumbled twice and then entered the dimly lit drawing room. She found her way to the couch near the window. She always found the moonlight very comforting. She started introspection on her life. She had come a long way from a carefree young girl fresh out of college. She got the job she loved. Everything was perfect and then she met David. She relived all the moments they spent together. She had liked him the moment she met him and she knew that the feeling was mutual. Then she thought about Shawn. Leena felt all grown up, confused and … motherly at the same time. The transition from being a girl to being a mother was not at all easy.

After making sure Shawn was asleep, David got up. He came out of his room and spotted Leena on the sofa with her eyes closed. He tip toed in her direction and kissed her on the forehead. Leena almost let out a small scream but David stopped her. David couldn’t ignore noticing again how beautiful she looked. Especially in her pink negligee and the moonlight illuminating her creamy complexion, he couldn’t resist getting closer to her. He adjusted himself next to her on the couch and slid his arm below her neck. Leena cuddled up to him and closed her eyes. She felt the best in his arms. David kissed her again, but this time on the nose. She giggled. He then started kissing her on her face and made his way to her lips. She craved for more and kissed him back. She whimpered. She was completely aroused now. David got closer and hugged her tight. He touched her slightly and gently everywhere and exactly the places where she craved to be touched.

Shawn got up from a bad dream and panicked when he didn’t find David by his side. He shouted, “Dad… Dad… Where are you?”
Leena broke lose from David’s arms and they ran towards Shawn. Leena felt very coy facing Shawn but she concealed it somehow. Shawn hugged David and started crying.
“Why did you leave me Dad? Why?” and almost immediately threw an angry look in Leena’s direction. She felt stupid and unwanted.
A tiny drop of tear glittered from her eye and Shawn noticed it.
Leena reeled back to her room. David took the signal and thought Shawn was not going to accept her. He comforted Shawn and made him sleep. Shawn felt triumphant on winning back his Dad. He was relieved now but somehow he couldn’t stop thinking about Leena.

At breakfast, Shawn was the only one chattering and eating. David and Leena were lost somewhere, looking gloomy and baggy eyed from the lack of sleep. Shawn noticed it all but continued avoiding. When they were done, Shawn jumped from the chair and ran towards the drawing room. Leena was trying hard to stop her tears. David came by her side and said, “I am sorry Len. I so wanted to make it work but…”
Leena placed her hand on his and said, “I understand David. Time is what we all need.”

Shawn came in. “Hey Leena. I made a little something for you. A farewell gift.”
Leena was surprised. And even more when she saw what Shawn laid in her hand. It was a picture taken on one of their trips.
He had scribbled "My Family" on it.
Leena hugged her son tight and she smiled and laughed and cried all at the same time. David felt proud of Shawn. They hugged each other as their world was complete now.

Love Forever

2009-05-29T12:25:00.007+05:30

His heart skipped a beat when he saw her trying to climb the escalator and falling down. The deep frown lines on her forehead and the wrinkled yet serene face of hers told me a lot about her struggle.
The airport authorities told Sai her story and he thought of talking to her. He casually sat next to her and started chatting.
"Namaste Auntyji"
She smiled hastily while reluctantly looking away from the foyer and replied, "Namaste Beta. I am Nirmala." There was a weird familiarity in her smile. They started chatting and she was telling how she came there everyday, fighting with the rickshaw waalas and struggling with the escalator to receive her son Chotu who went away never to come back. Sai's thought started drifting.

“Get ready fast. Locals here are so unlike Chennai metros. We have a slow local at 7:15, we must not miss that. I’ll show you the ladies compartment and you’ll be safe.”
I was so busy talking that I didn’t notice her standing there.
“How do I look?”
She undoubtedly was the most beautiful lady to walk the face of earth.
“Amma… you look perfect as always. Priya can never catch up to that. Now run else I’ll never be able to catch up to her.”
We both burst into laughter and I just loved these moments.

Sai’s childhood was just like any other kid's until the day his Appa passed away in a freak road accident. He had breathed his last in her arms. That day Amrita (Amma) had lost all hopes but she fought her sorrows and lived and laughed only for Sai. Today she was going to meet Sai’s love, Priya. Sai couldn’t stop praising Priya on their way to the station. He found a soul mate in her and most importantly he was very sure that she would keep Amma very happy.
It was 7:00 A.M. when they reached Dadar station.

“Amma, I’ll get this tickets punched. Here… you have tea and sit here till I come back.” Sai signaled towards a bench.
Right when he left, a man with a huge baggage was pushing his way through the crowd. He looked very agitated and was cursing and fretting every now and then. He was looking here and there through the corner of his eyes. Amrita became very suspicious of him. The man advanced in her direction and dropped the baggage right besides her with a thud. Sai sensed the chaos and glanced in her direction but couldn’t spot her.
He was in the middle of a humongous line for ticket and 4 down it was his turn. He again tried looking for Amma. But no luck.

“Kyu Madam? Kaha jaa rahi ho?” Amrita was trembling with fear by now but did not move, for it would become difficult for Sai to find her. She kept mum and was looking in the opposite direction. Few kids playing on the platform kept her occupied and managed to ease her frayed nerves. She was carried away by the sheer number of people coming up and down the stairway.
She turned to look for Sai and spotted him at a distance coming towards her. She was relieved. The man was also gone with his baggage left near the bench.
Sai sensed something, he felt something was amiss. He saw Amma smiling from the distance. Suddenly he ran towards her and in a split second there was a huge blast right where Amma was standing. It was a deafening noise and Sai was just a few meters away from the spot. He fell with his face down and couldn’t hear anything but a long shrilling beep. He wanted to reach to Amma. He got up and started limping towards the fire. Though he wanted to run, his knees felt too week. People were running with fear gripped on their faces. They just wanted to be away from all this. Sai slowly started drifting away and fell unconscious.

When Sai opened his eyes, Priya was sitting next to him in the hospital. The doctor checked him and issued a discharge letter. Before Priya could say anything, Sai hurriedly dressed up, cleared all the bills, took Priya by hand and started walking. Priya was too bewildered to say anything. He kept on saying “Amma is waiting Priya, we need to hurry. She’ll be so happy to meet you.”
Priya couldn’t stop her tears when she saw Sai in that state. She just followed him.
Sai went to the station and darted towards the bench where he had left Amma. The place was all charred and he started panicking. He still waited, his longing wet eyes waited for an eternity at the station, but it was an endless wait. Priya held his hand. He looked at her and she was crying. She never dreamt of being the bearer of this bad news. But she gathered all her courage and said, “Sai, Amma is no more with us. You were…”
Sai was not listening to anything anymore. He just looked at the bench and then at her and then at the bench… Amma is no more with us… things started making sense and he started losing it all.
He wailed and cried there. He had promised her happiness, he had promised her a beautiful world. But she had left him, never to come back. Priya took him away. Sai looked back again and saw Amma waiting for him with that same pleasant smile. She was etched in his memory just like that.

Suddenly Sai was brought back to reality when Nirmala squeezed his hand tight and shouted. “The flight has arrived beta. Lets run. Chotu would be waiting for me. He will get lost in the crowd. Come on run.”
Sai tried to keep pace with her, her restless eyes scanned through all the people checking in. At times it would light up seeing someone who resembled Chotu even a bit but he never came. She was devastated. Sai took her to the tea stall and bought her some snacks and tea. She wouldn’t eat. He was supposed to report at office by 9 but he called in sick. They sat together, chatted some more and finally she ate. She gave Sai a warm contented smile.

It took a lot to convincing on his part to take her along. He just couldn’t leave her like that.
He knew that she had no place to go. Sai was not sure if she would agree staying with Priya and him so he thought of taking her to his friend’s old age home. He decided to talk to Priya and take her home once she is prepared. After initial registration formalities while he was taking her to her room, she looked at Sai through her misty eyes and said in between sobs, “God bless you my Son. Will you come with me tomorrow to the airport?”
“Sure.” Sai smiled. Sai was united with his Amma once again.

writer's block!

2009-05-22T11:37:00.003+05:30

I did not know about this until recently. Now that I know I use that as an excuse almost every time!
Write something new - naaah... writer's block (I say to myself).
I want this article by EOD - No way!! Writer's block! even bigger with a deadline imposed!

Sheer laziness... nothing else. I've been thinking so much crap, that my thoughts are all disorganized.

When I was not writing I was reading a lot.
Randomly, unknowingly, willingly, forcibly - reading stuff that managed to keep my mind polluted uh i mean occupied. :P

I read so much of GK that I started feeling nerdy. We were preparing for "Gyani Kopda" - Battle of the Brains (Quiz contest). I was the guinea pig in the team owing to my lack of knowledge. Everyone derived some sort of satisfaction after drilling poor me with questions and facts unheard. But I've this amazing "guessing power" that kept me going.

I managed to write something after long, I guess the block has started shifting or crushing under my weight. :-O
So coming soon with more of my musings.
Stay tuned! :)

Realization?... Indeed!

2009-04-29T18:18:00.004+05:30

Everything around is taking various forms and shapes at such a rapid pace that I find myself completely lost. It feels like a long unending race where I am panting and breathing heavily. No one and nothing is compelling me to take the journey. In fact for the first time in my life I am having life on my own terms. I am the one who is defining and also breaking grounds.
Oh Boy am I loving it?!

I am enjoying the thrill, the threat, the joy, the uncertainty, the amusement, the sheer satisfaction of achieving what looked unachievable a few days ago. I just fear one thing... The fear of losing grip on the situation is maddening. I just end up bombarding all my frustration on anybody sitting in front of me remotely resembling human.

But at the end, it all looks worth it. I am glad I've a dream worth living for, worth a fight. I read somewhere : "Dreaming takes as much energy as working towards achieving it takes. "
It is SO TRUE!!! :D

Realizations heard before making complete sense now :

1. "No Pain No Gain"

2. " Opportunity knocks once on your door but temptations loom and lean forever."

I fly... so high!

2009-03-27T18:19:00.003+05:30

I feel like a free bird with tender wings
Who has all the sky to herself to soar
But doesn't know where to fly and how to do it
She waits for a push and she waits even more

Her flight is very shaky, her heart thuds scary
She looks behind at the cozy world of hers
Tempted by the familiarity of its nook and cranny
The warmth and the safety was quite an Allure

But mom says you have to go out there dear
Dad says its your world altogether to dare
Leave behind all the anxiety and all your fear
Go girl go, conquer the world forget the scare

With all the might I dare the winds and the rain
My wings stretched now to its full length and span
The sight is blurry but I am enjoying all the strain
The path looks easier and simpler when I navigate with a plan

Soon I’ll touch the bouncy clouds so mysterious
Parched atop on trees beautiful melodies I’ll sing
I know my flight would soon be steady and glorious
I’ll succeed with all the world below my wings

2009-03-04T13:13:00.005+05:30

I am shades of color and of diff hues
Appreciated by many but loved by few
My honey bee comes and admires me too
Oh! His buzz is filled with love so true

His beautiful eyes when admire me
Cast a wondrous spell and I feel so glee
When I flutter with all the joy I've found
He dances away merrily to a tune of his own

What is my life if not for you my bee
I shimmer and shine bright for you to see
The sun casts his fury on me everyday
And the winds blow hard but I’ve to stay

With the hope that you’d make me yours soon
The love filled in my heart always croons
What makes us so different and yet so same
Is the beauty that we spread and the love that we share

Today I wait again but I see you nowhere
The sun looks fierce and the wind’s unfair
I want you to shade me and I want to rest
I wait with baited breath for our magnificent tryst

I sobbed and was withering with a hope forlorn
Stayed a li’ll longer for a glimpse to be shown
My heart was bleeding, all the hopes were gone
But I heard the same buzz when I fell down

My love, you were there all the while with me
Crying out loud and daring the winds to cease
Now we lie here together when we breathe our last
In death we are one never to be apart

I waited in vain for you to come and confess
How I missed the love all mine and so never less
Its late but I realize I was yours and you were mine
The day we saw each other, It was born....
...Selfless and beautiful - Our love divine!

That's me 4 u!

2009-03-02T15:15:00.003+05:30

I was wondering while helplessly and blankly staring at the screen waiting to break the writer’s block. Ended up writing a weird poem!! That showcased how psyched out I was. Then I visited Spaceman’s blog wondering how he manages to put down something almost everyday!
I was scrolling down admiring the mammoth list of comments and I spotted that – I was tagged!!! 25 random things about myself! How is that possible? Actually why not! Random is what it is – my whole being!

1. I am on the heavier side but I DO NOT eat much!

2. I love roaming around no matter how tired I am. I can go shopping for anyone and everyone.

3. I love collecting stuff. So, I’ve a stamp collection, coin collection, stone collection and cards collection. Have this big box at home filled with cards. I love looking at them time and again.
I have a thing for old photographs as well. I can re-visit my old albums over and over again until you put them out of my sight in some dark dungeon.

4. I think i am jinxed as I end up taking all the wrong decisions at all the wrong times.

5. I’ve got a parrot and a Pomeranian at home. I just LOVE animals.

6. I am allergic to high heels no matter how much I fancy them. I usually fall when I am walking and feel completely safe when I am running. :D
Had this great fall at the first day of my college in front of the parking lot with a considerable number of guys standing there.

7. I’ve n number of embarrassing moments on which I can laugh for the rest of my life. One of my favorites is when I fell down in a mushy, stinky gutter in front of my training batch.
To add to it, it all happened when I was displaying my heroics in jumping over the gutter in a total gynasticky style.

8. I simply absolutely love dancing. I’ve taken Bharatnatyam classes – a classical dance form for 10 years. But I never restricted myself to classical dancing much to the embarrassment of my well wishers. I told you I am on the heavier side. :P

9. I write these weird poems (which hardly rhyme) and articles which makes no sense what so ever to anybody including me.

10. I am a cry baby. I just wait for something to happen nor nothing at all to happen and my eyes start swelling up with all the water in my body and my nose goes red and I cry to my heart’s content.

11. You can spot me in a blushed or flushed state quite a lot of times as it is an effortless task for anybody. My cheeks go pink and then red depending on the intensity of leg pulling, compliment or sheer amusement.

12. I laugh incessantly at times. If I get a trigger then there is no stopping. It is most of the times accompanied by tears. They call it the genuine laughter. The smiling part is funny as well with 2 bugs bunny teeth on display. :D

13. I am very bad in keeping touch. I can see a lot of heads nodding in agreement. Aha aha..

14. You can see me in the organizing committee of almost all the events regardless of whether I am of any use or not.

15. I suffer from “Instant Disclosure of Self Syndrome” – err that is revealing myself to anybody who greets me with a smile. Smile is magical I tell you. they cast a spell on me. Sachi muchi. :P

16. You can catch me caught up in a debate with myself. Now, that my friend you’ll understand by the flummoxed look on my face. The same old frown and well no I do not believe in loud thinking.

17. I philosophize a lot but only with a select few people. They just are too sweet and undoubtedly patient to listen to my weirdest philosophies.

18. My younger brother has all the rights and all the power to drive me bonkers by any and all of his acts. We fight like crazy and we end up being together. Thanks to our tack team against Pa Ma. I shower my precious gems of wisdom on him time and again and the poor chap quietly accepts it all.

19. I want to be a ???? that’s the biggest dilemma of my life. I am waiting for the calling. Just wondering how long this wait is gonna be.

20. I was on a high with just half a glass of wine. My friends laugh when I say “I got sloshed on my birthday” :P

21. Though I am a person who loves talking and being with people, I enjoy my times alone more than anything.

21. I’ve got quite a few ways to deal with my blues. Sketching is one of them. The second one is clearing up my cupboard and gradually I end up tiding up the whole house to the relief or pain of my roomies. ;)

22. I just enjoy experimenting with my looks and my clothes. So it won’t be a surprise when I say I have had a lot of bad dress days.

23. I love speed and so I love riding bikes which are speedier than my Spirit (Bajaj Spirit). :P

24. Mean diplomatic people put me off and I really don’t understand why one should even deal with such people.

25. To end with how can I miss saying I LOVE my JOB with all puns intended!!! LOL.:D:D:D

Thanks Spaceman Spiff... This turned out to be the best thing to do when I was complaining of no work. ;):D

Blogger Blogger

2009-02-25T15:26:00.001+05:30

Bade dino se kuch likha nahi
Funny ya emotional kuch soojha nahi
Phir socha itna sochke kab kuch kiya
Likh diya soche bina man me jo aa gaya

Phir palat ke betuke shabd dhoonde
Rhyme kar jaaye aise kuch words dhoondhe
Sense bhi hona chahiye ya nahi
But..Aaj tak kabhi kiya hai kuch sensible ya sahi

Yuhi soch me phir phirki maari
Kisi aur ki phirki se nazare churai
Aankhein mili dil na mil jaye
Do pal me paraya koi apna na ho jaye

Naina milenge phir baatein bhi hogi
Thandi aahe bhare mulaakaate bhi hogi
Har baat uski dil chune lage tadpaane lage
Isshare saare dil phir pehchaanane lage

Mummy se milao daddy se milao
Khandan ko chhod kabhi hume bhi dekh lo
Shopping me diwala nikla hai yaaro
Use chahiye bas Gucci, puchi and PRADO

Pyaar ke raag pakda dil hua bepeer
Uske pyaar me bhaiya hum ho gaye fakeer
Jakda hai humko are kaisi ye zanjeer
Dil roye haaye usko diya cheer cheer

Emotional melodrama se reality me jaate hai
Blogging ke is bhoot ko hum aaj agnipath chalvaate hai
Dil ki bhadaas nikalne ka ek acha option paaya hai
Shayar, kavi ya lekhak is out ab blogger hum kehlaate hai
Ab blogger hum kehlaate hai !!

My Messmate

2009-01-16T15:33:00.002+05:30

Why fear thee, brother death
That sharest, breath by breath,
This brimming life of mine?
Each draught that I resign
Into the chalice flows.
Comrades of old are we;
All that the present knows,
Is but a shade of me;
My Self to thee only
and the past is known.

By John Banister Tabb

!!! Merry Christmas !!!

2008-12-17T17:22:00.005+05:30

Its Christmas season and no I don’t feel that when I look around. Instead all I can see is long sad faces, some worried about their future security, some worried about the present that is arranging money for the booze!!
Come on now. After all the association of partying and the Youngistan is not a wishy washy affair to say the least!
Jobs are being sacked, people are coming back from the not so festive Amerika, people are working like donkeys to save the jobless job at hand.
Amidst all this I’ve my own set of chaos. Badly bruised room mates, lost my cell phone, no salary for a whole month and this happens to be my favourite month.
Well… Christmas season and also the joy that remains next day as well. ;)

So I was talking about the “electrifying festive aura” I see around that leaves me paralyzed with excitement!
Today is one of those days for me when I sit brooding over all the worst things in my life. It’s like jumping in a puddle of dirty water and continuously wailing and scolding people for spilling mud on you. I am sure most normal, average Joe Bloggs type character will agree with what I say.
10 things you do when you are in a bad mood:
1. You think you are the filthiest, stupidest, dumbest, idiots, the most useless thing to have ever trotted the face of earth.
2. You start blaming yourself for everything and anything that went wrong.
3. If you see somebody talking and God forbid they shoot a glance at you. “Look even they think I am stupid”!!
4. You avoid all good things. Say music and even if you somehow get yourself to listen to a song, it turns out to be even more depressing.
5. You stop talking to everyone and show like they are the ones not talking because refer point 1.
6. You are at your sarcastic best with a person who s trying to console you.
7. You feel you are a waste and don’t have a purpose in your life.
8. All of a sudden you get this urge to stare into oblivion and cry. Cry your heart out.
9. The only place you want to visit is probably the loo (for gals :D)
10. Oh God!!!! WHY ME?????

Now 10 things you are not supposed to do :
All of the above!!!!

I see some heads swinging with disgust, some in agreement and some in disappointment!!
Ah…well. I told you, it’s one of those days for me!

Then I look at the bookmark I’ve on my monitor:

When I need a word of comfort, He is there!
When I struggle neath a burden, He is there!
When the blue skies turn to grey,
And i cannot find my way
At the closing of the day, He is there!
When I cannot face tomorrow, He is there!
When my life is filled with sorrow, He is there!
When I dread the coming dawn,
And it seems I can't go on,
When my hope is almost gone, HE is there!!

Yes this is true, He has been there all the time and loves me even more when I run to him with a paining heart and teary eyes.
Our bond strengthens with every passing day and I love him for I’ve found the Bestest friend in Him.

Thank you my Savior for guiding me and for being my refuge.

Love,
Your Child

Colours fade but vanish never!

2008-11-10T17:20:00.005+05:30

When tears roll down and you know it is for him
You regret the moment more than anything
When you let him walk away
Never to come back and never for you to have

You recollect all the wonderful times
When just a smile passed would send shivers
His gentle touch and caring words
Seems to fade and wither

You thought he is yours forever
But love in your heart you showed him never
You left him alone in the name of sanity
And held a hand and called it sympathy

Love was never yours to have
With the pain that you’ve caused
Free your soul from your reveries first
Reckon and understand that you are blessed

To have so many hearts that care
You search but you’d find that’s rare
When all that you want is there for you
Why don’t you love them back and be a bit fair

Now he is gone forever in a land so new
Better than your dejection and the feeling so blue
But now when you should be happy for him
You want him back at the slightest clue

You dream of a life with his hand in yours
But that hand is held so tight by someone else
You cry in vain as you want him back
Wishing all hands held are not supposed to last

A pang of guilt hits your heart and you shudder
Shame on you to think of such blunder
Why can’t you be happy seeing the one you love at peace
Why do you wish so bad and endlessly pray for things to cease?!

The answer comes from the depths of my heart
Now I know the denial and the arrogance was not very smart
I knew in the heart of hearts that I loved him
But I was blinded by something which I care of so much

Am I helping myself when I am doing this
Is the question I frequently ask and miss
If the life would’ve been so easy and had less spice
The colors wouldn’t be there, as black and white would suffice

The gray areas of life unfathomed and unknown
Makes me all blinded when the truth is shown
Then I go haywire in the search of my shadow
Which is so much a part of me but doesn’t make itself known.

At times like this I feel sad and gloomy
Inability to see the obvious is my life’s irony
The wait for the day still continues
When I discover and sing life’s true melody

Hey, it rhymes! :D

2008-11-05T14:11:00.004+05:30

Today I sit here in this room,
Thinking which of my talents to groom
Perplexed I stare at the screen
With a thought so complex yet so serene

Where am I standing in this mad race?
Lost and confused losing my pace!

Had a dream cherished very long in heart
Still dazed I wonder from where to start!

Challenges called me but did I face?
Pieces of life started falling at its own place

I know I know I have to fight back
But Perspective and courage both I lack!

Sports... freak me out!

2008-10-17T13:33:00.002+05:30

Was one helluva of a sporty day yesterday. After sweating it out at my workplace ;), i just wanted to go home and sleep to give some rest to my groggy throat and seductive red eyes.
But destiny has its own plans as they say, i found myself staring at 2 people playing ping pong (TT). Left - right, left - right. That was soooo rejuvenating to say the least!!
After sometime i experienced some unknown forces compelling me to do something, some voices wispering in my ears, my heart started beating faster... I stood up, pushed the person aside, took the weapon from him and shot the bullet straight at my rivals head. There was blood all over, screams and chaos. But people caught me and then i had to continue playing the toughest game ever Ping Pong!! I just don't understand the rules of the game. The area is so confined. But i was shooting the ball in all direction possible and with all the styles possible. Alas Debo got fed up and took up the humongous task of training me! :D
He taught me stand in a particular crooked, scanty posture. I am sure I must be looking like a retard at that moment with my red eyes bulging out in anticipation (lacking) for the ball and more for my beloved sleep and my right hand stuck weirdly to my right sidee.
Anyways destiny had it and i was trying hard not to smack the ball at anybody's face and desperately place it at least once on the table. pri had enough of my game, she deftly rolled her eyes in exasperation and summoned Debo to satisfy her gaming urge. I was relieved but also a bit ashamed of myself. :P
I've had it enough. I wanted to free my cramped hand now so then i tried my hands at Pool. Now Vivek the Champ in billiards came forward and told me how to use the stick to aim the balls!!
Got the hang of this game pretty fast. Basically i liked the whole idea of it. ;)
Then there was no stopping and the balls were just waiting for a direction from me and zoom zoom zapp.... applaud!! I won of course in partnership with Vivek. How many pots?! come on dude.. be a sport! I don't count and all. Vivek would have felt bad na. O:)

so stay tuned for some more sporting action from me... very hungry now. Should have my lunch on time na so running(yeah i am great at that as well ;))

ciao!

2008-09-10T17:08:00.003+05:30

They say, you don’t value anything unless you have it and then it is gone. Why can’t we possess what we have all our lives?
They say, don’t love too much you’ll get hurt but whatever you do, do it with complete conviction. (irony!!)
They say, give relationships air to breathe otherwise it becomes like the sand held tightly in the hand. After some time you notice, it is not there any more. What if I keep my palm open and wind takes it away?
They say, share your joys and triumphs with the world but don’t cry your heart out to every single person. How would the world understand I am really, genuinely happy unless they know all the sorrows I have faced?!
They say, hiding some truths at some points in life is important for relationships to sustain. What if a person is struggling to lie to himself?
They say a lot, they talk a lot, I can hear them all the time but why is it that when I am talking, all I can hear is an echo of my voice?
Why am I still alone?

Mee... So good! ?

2008-08-28T13:04:00.006+05:30

Me : Long time!!!

Logical Me : Why?

Me : Had nothing to write re.

LM : Now don't tell me, you have stopped thinking also, you have stopped being you!

Me: Not again. At least you don't say that. i've not changed for God sakes. ( Really? Why is everybody saying the same thing?)

As they say, " If there is smoke fire sure has been kindled somewhere".

Phew... No clue what and how much has changed in me.

There is one reason though which refrained me from writing. Reviews and previews of my thoughts, my actions. Why do we let these things affect us so much? Are they not meant to correct us and help us grow.
Now if i decide to look down at myself then there is nothing that anybody else can do about it. Hmmmm...

So the deal is, i've to constantly pat myself on the back even if i do a simple thing like may be comb my hair properly! ;)
A friend told me all of us do that and it helps. True. Isn't it?
So now though this is a shabby piece of writing, I (realized it has to capitals always ;)) am gonna pat myself on the back because I finally wrote something after a long gap. :D:D
(clap clap clap)

Showers of blessing!

2008-07-11T18:40:00.002+05:30

It has inspired many a poets and writers to pen down their romanticism in a very candid manner. It has got this immense power to cheer up people just by its touch.

It emanates a beautiful fragrance whenever it touches the dust of earth…

Yes I am talking about rain. The divine elixir of life – “water” in one of its best forms.

When the monsoon disembarks in all its beauty, some souls become ecstatic while some start cribbing about the mess it creates.

The kid in us is provoked to forget all the miseries of the world and drench ourselves in the shower of God’s blessings.

The Cupid struck couple can be seen walking far away sharing sweet nothings.

Ever wondered where all this love and innocence is lost as years pass by. Recently I saw a movie in which a man says “Love is something meant for the youth, once you grow old there is nothing called as Love.” That pricked me so hard. How can anyone ever exist without Love? Beyond my understanding it is.

I’ve often seen my parents fighting over trivial matters, I used to shout at them but to no avail. It was like ringing a bell to make it more noisy when already the trumpet(Mom) and drum(Dad) where at their best. Now I realize it was nothing but thunders just like it is before rains. After a good spell of rain everything is green and beautiful again. All we need is hope and courage!!

I was taught this song by my Mom..

There shall be showers of Blessings

This is the Promise of Love

There shall be seasons refreshing

Sent from the Savior above….

Showers of Blessings…

Showers of blessing we need

Mercy drops round us are falling

But for the showers we plead.

Beautiful words na?

Whenever I sing it, it fills me with a hope for a better tomorrow. When I see a tiny drop sparkling on my cheek, I am assured that God is watching over me, taking care of me at every step I take and blessing with his showers of blessings.

Dieting or Die eating?!

2008-07-08T16:41:00.005+05:30

Well… I was nailed and no escape this time. For some time now I’ve been hearing comments like “kuch kar Jincy”, “ye kya hai?” or just a polite reminder like, “ Jincy, moti ho gai”. Well say it the way you want but the reality was brought to my notice after actually bombarding me with it.

I always had some lame excuse for such comments like – “chod na be”

“Kya karna hai”…

But this time I said something very stupid like, “If I want I can be slim!!!!” hehehe..

And with perfect timing one of my friend’s stupid message tone gave a perfect background score for the blasphemy I made. Toingggg!!!

Now thoroughly embarrassed I decide to actually start dieting. The only difference being that this time I was not going to die eating like every other time.

My friend grabbed the chance and came up with something like a modeling assignment for me. Well he is very sure I am not going to do it so he risked saying that.

Now the challenge : I am supposed to loose considerable amount of weight which should be duly reflected in my size!! Phew..

Today is just the 2^nd day and I’ve managed to eat proper and use the stairs instead of lift. Every time I finish 1 floor, I feel I’ve already lost 1 kg!! By the time I reach the 5^th floor I am all panting and drooped as if I just finished a trekking expedition!

Oh! But it has been just 2 days. A full 2 months and 28 days remaining. Help me Lord…

But I’ve accepted the challenge which means bye bye Mc. D, bye bye Caramel popcorn, chocolates, Pizzas, Cad-B… ummmm…

Hey, I think I need to re-think about this whole deal… :D

Falling Leaves

2008-07-03T18:11:00.004+05:30

i don't know who wrote this but i loved it...

Falling Leaves

I was thinking of old friends today

and how many of them have slipped away.

Moved, got married, or stopped calling so much,

Found new friends, got busy, and just lost touch.

It reminded me of falling leaves .

Every autumn the leaves fall from the trees.

Some stay longer than others, but eventually -

Each leaf must fall, I'm told,

leaving the tree alone to face the cold.

Why is it that in the time of utmost need

the leaves would seek to leave the tree?

And when we need our friends around

we look and they cannot be found?

Of course these friendships come and go

and in the spring new leaves will grow.

But I prefer autumn friends of old

with crackling laughter and colors bold.

And then I thought of you.

That one stubborn leaf that won't let go.

That clings despite the winds that blow.

Fighting ice, and snow, and winter's stings

Hanging on right through till spring.

So I guess that's what you are to me -

The very last leaf to leave the tree.

I know it seems silly, but it's true.

When I see that last leaf...I think of you.

....don't drift away.... will you???

-Anonymous

The trip!

2008-07-01T13:21:00.000+05:30

Hurrah! We completed one full year in the IT field! Well it was time for celebration! Not for the professionals in us, but for the friendship we nurtured for the last one year. We all saw so many good and bad times together. We all went through it together as a family.

There was some kind of bonding due to which we all gelled instantly…

So, now we all decide to go for a trip. After a lot of cajoling finally 18 people froDm the batch of 28 agreed to privilege each other with their esteemed presence! :)

The date was set, destination finalized and now the arrangements were being done under the able guidance of Robo, Vivek and Sarang!

Pri was the transportation incharge and the financial advisor…

Then followed the 14 excited bunch of morons… Ask them things like : When are you leaving?

Sometime in the morning. (chalo utna to pata hai)

How are you going : pata nahi, train, bus, taxi… (thank God Flight nahi bole!)

When are you coming back?

That we all knew… Monday to vapis aana hi padega!!

Saturday morning used to be so peaceful, no hassles... just sleep! But today the damned alarm started screaming at an ungodly hour. After cursing my decision to go for the trip 100 times, I finally get up and see Yam and Dam already worried about how to get to the station. They finally look relieved when I start brushing my teeth…

After ensuring all doors were locked for protecting our “valuables”, we left in search for an auto at 5:30 in the morning… the bags that we were carrying were so big, anyone would’ve easily assumed that we are running off with our boyfriends!

After patiently waiting for an auto which was nowhere in sight, Yam headed towards a cab with Dam and me in tow. She went to the cab with such a confidence as if it was sent to pick us up. Thankfully, the driver was generous enough to give us free ride till Kothrud. May the Lord bless his soul. From there with wada paav in our hands, we majestically sat in an auto and headed towards station, for we were supposed to get into some train. Our stomachs started growling with hunger, we headed towards Good Luck bakery. We ordered 3 bun maskas... ummm.. we savored the mouth watering delicacy ardently with all the butter and jam dripping from it.. :P

The transportation coordinator Pri who knew all of us very well told every soul that the departure time is 6:45 for two reasons:

To ensure everyone reaches there well before time.( Pri is a kind of paranoid about missing the train!!)
Knows us very well, so was sure that, no one is going to check the train timings…(lazy bunch of donkeys).

Now, Debo was like really hungry and The King placed an order for momos when every one was running helter skelter to board the train. (still everyone is unaware of the actual time).

Pri aiding to her paranoia is after Debo’s life. The Momos finally arrive and so does the train!!

Pri : Debo, train aaye gechi.

Angry Debo : aami khaabi ki na na?

Everyone ran out to catch the train and also to protect themselves from Debo’s fury...

When everyone is safely and much much before time on board, the time of departure is announced. All eyes on Pri and Pri with her endearing cute smile and that innocent shrug of hers conveyed the message…

The journey starts and immediately as if some timer was set we start singing songs and then begins the age old best time pass - Antakshari. A trip without Antakshari is so incomplete!

When the stock of songs started drying up and when all throats were soar from the sing(shriek)ing , we started parading the train. Remembering the good old childhood days, the only difference being The hunt was for some eye candy ;)

The over excited souls i.e. Maloo, Dam, Jincy occupied the consecutive doors of the train and were peeping out and waving at each other accompanied with huge hollering as if we were seeing each other after ages of separation. The mesmerizing beauty of the Sahyadri range caught our breath. When we came back to our senses, the photographer (Ranu ) with his 12000X optical zoom camera was summoned to capture the splendor. But nothing matched what our eyes were seeing, the fresh air that we were inhaling when people were grateful enough to flush properly.

Yam was woken up from her top birth of bliss, Debo joined us, Swapya also was seen hanging out from one of the windows. Rudy joined me in one of the doors and started reminiscing his days in hometown Shillong!!

Well, after creating a lot of hoopla and getting scolded by the concerned uncles and aunties we reached Karjat which people kept on calling Katraj. Three vans and 18 hooligans. All the while the “hera pheri” scene where people are stuffed in a van to the point of oozing out of the windows came to our mind.

We even survived the deadly Ghats, the twists and turns were deadlier than the Abbas Mustan movies. Yam, the brave heart chose to sit on a wooden box with the luggage. With every turn, we could hear Yam’s heart beating faster and louder than the horses running by.

Finally we reached Matheran! The drizzle was embalming to our ecstatic souls… And we gawked at each other and the path which was a mighty 14 kms walk. After one full year of drudgery, it was just the right place to be. We started our walk towards the unknown destination with all the excitement and vigor…

The search within...

2008-06-27T16:01:00.000+05:30

I formed these lyrics so as to fit into a tune… I mean I started singing it just like dat..

Everybody is trampling me…

My head is down, can’t see a thing..

I wave my hand for help in the air

But every time it falls down in despair

The darkness of my thoughts is swallowing me

There is a shallow light but it can’t reach me

I persuade myself to walk a mile more

But the road traveled has made my feet real sore

Dreams and ambitions have started to fade

With hopes and duties forming a façade

Wish to spend some time alone

But my own shadow looks like somebody else’s clone

I cry and I die but nobody shows pity

I search but I find no soul in vicinity

Haunted and daunted I cry out loud

My tears and thoughts forming a cloud

A ray of hope shines somewhere in my heart

But I am so flustered, can’t figure it out

A voice within me is calling from the shroud

But I neglect thinking it’s my heart’s pound

I sit down wondering of my grave antiquity

How good it feels to call it serendipity

but now I know only I can make it happen

my future, my life and my destiny...

Love... eternal!!

2008-06-27T15:46:00.000+05:30

C’mon… don’t tell me. You also??!!

You also believe in passing by affairs!! That comment made by one of my friends kept hammering my head. Made me feel like I’ve committed a big crime. Well… it is a crime of sorts to put your integrity and family prestige at stake!! Oh shit!! I’ve broken their trust. I’ve fallen in LOVE!!

Yeah yeah… the same old story, same old inhibitions. Well I was not jolted from this reality out of the blue. It was there... rather it was a part of me all the while…

But this thing it just happens, you are not prepared, you are completely unarmed and bang the Cupid’s cute arrow goes through your heart and you are left all smeared with love divine…

A cute smile, some flirting, throw few compliments and Whoosh... poof Love is in the air!! Then you can spot the cute couple all hot for each other in every nook and corner possible.
Shopping becomes a ritual and so does going for movies.
This continues till the guy realizes how rapidly his salary is vanishing or when they get bored of each other...
What the heck...

Is this really the face of love now?

JUNO...

2008-06-27T15:42:00.000+05:30

If I was a flower growing wild and free

All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.

And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen

All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free

All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.

And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen

All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,

The rumble of your water would be my call.

If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow

Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod

If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.

If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug

And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.

If you were the love, I'd be the desire.

If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,

And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

Life!

2008-06-27T12:01:00.001+05:30

This I wrote when I volunteered for a camp...

It was a real humbling experience sharing the life ke funde with them, their take on life. The way how they are happy even after all the adversities being faced by them. They have this urge to make it big no matter what it takes. At the age of 12, these girls are the sole bread winners in the family. Still they take out time to study and pursue their goals. They are just less fortunate but his world is surely theirs to have. I salute their dedication and perseverance.

Nanhi si aankhon me sapne anek

Khushi hai man me aaj inko dekh

Maasoom se dil aaj ufaan par hai

Dilo me khwaaisho ki halchal si hai

(their was a story telling session for the girls. All were given a paper and a pencil and were asked to write down whatever comes to their mind. The inspiration came from the story of Anne Frank. I couldn’t stop myself and this is what I wrote.)

Today, sitting under this humongous tree, lots of thoughts are streaming my mind. My life, my people, ME. Why, whenever we start thinking, its always my… something, not “me” or “I”?

Most of our life is spent thinking about what may happen, what went wrong, what next… but what about NOW, the most important phase of anyone’s life?!

Writing this, I survey my surroundings, people sitting here with excited faces, sheer enthusiasms they have being expressed on a blank sheet of paper. But, NO.. I am not supposed to think about anything or even keep in mind that people are sitting near me. This is what our problem is. We just don’t value ourselves. Then giving time to “our” thoughts becomes s difficult.

I sit here under the tree

Voices fading in my vicinity

Sun shows bright and shines over me

Split second I wish I had wings and wanna flee

Emotions are swelling up in the core of my heart

Is this just a routine or a new ray of THE start

They say I am special and I can do it

But do I know myself even a bit?!

Will I ever be able to serve myself

When the most difficult thing to do is to love yourself....

2008-06-27T11:21:00.000+05:30

The journey...

Today i start this blog and tomorrow i'll be completing 1 full year in KPIT....

Travelling in the time machine it seemed…

Clouds passed by as years were passing by… The sky was as clear as the heart of a 2 yr old. I was lost in my thoughts and gazing at the sky intently. Felt like reaching out to the clouds. My thoughts were floating with them. But something was holding me back.

Myriad of dreams, emotions started disturbing the peace of my soul again. But this time I was determined not to drift away.

I wanted to explore life in its entirety.

Some voices started booming in my ears. Do this, do that, NO, why? How can u? and so on… suddenly I realized my mind was so polluted with the concerns voiced by my people that I just couldn’t think clearly.

Once, I met a person. I met her for some help. According to me, I was simply sharing few things of my life with her. During that small conversation of 15 mins, she screened me in and out. She came out with what really I am, where exactly the problem lies and what I need to do about that. I was dumbstruck. Couldn’t think of anything at that moment.

Later when I was analyzing the situation (out of my habit of thinking too much), I asked myself certain things. How often do I listen to my heart’s voice? When, during the whole day, I’ve even 5 mins when I am all alone and just by myself? And many such questions. Albeit, the answers to all was a big NEVER!!! I realized, I went to her with problems and solutions all readily available with me.

Alas, the angels and demons of my soul are always going to be in contradiction, how foolish of me to doubt the turmoil of my heart. How foolish was it to blame it on the surrounding and people. Soon it the reality struck hard, it was ME all the way…

Finally...

2008-06-27T10:53:00.000+05:30

After a lot of thinking and apprehensions... today i successfully started "The Blog".
Just can't explain the feeling but something churned inside me when i hit the start blogging button..
A fear gripped my whole being as if i was being exposed to the shrewd critic side of humanity... All my ecstasies, all my fears will not be just mine anymore...

Oh Crap... how can anyone even read it unless i tell them to.. hehe..
The reason why i finally started was because some one argued with me saying it is just an electronic diary dear. Easy to maintain!!
I was like... Wow! That's amazing... coz the kind of wreckage i have of my musings, they cry out to me for an abode...
So, here i go... :)