!!! Merry Christmas !!!

Its Christmas season and no I don’t feel that when I look around. Instead all I can see is long sad faces, some worried about their future security, some worried about the present that is arranging money for the booze!!
Come on now. After all the association of partying and the Youngistan is not a wishy washy affair to say the least!
Jobs are being sacked, people are coming back from the not so festive Amerika, people are working like donkeys to save the jobless job at hand.
Amidst all this I’ve my own set of chaos. Badly bruised room mates, lost my cell phone, no salary for a whole month and this happens to be my favourite month.
Well… Christmas season and also the joy that remains next day as well. ;)

So I was talking about the “electrifying festive aura” I see around that leaves me paralyzed with excitement!
Today is one of those days for me when I sit brooding over all the worst things in my life. It’s like jumping in a puddle of dirty water and continuously wailing and scolding people for spilling mud on you. I am sure most normal, average Joe Bloggs type character will agree with what I say.
10 things you do when you are in a bad mood:
1. You think you are the filthiest, stupidest, dumbest, idiots, the most useless thing to have ever trotted the face of earth.
2. You start blaming yourself for everything and anything that went wrong.
3. If you see somebody talking and God forbid they shoot a glance at you. “Look even they think I am stupid”!!
4. You avoid all good things. Say music and even if you somehow get yourself to listen to a song, it turns out to be even more depressing.
5. You stop talking to everyone and show like they are the ones not talking because refer point 1.
6. You are at your sarcastic best with a person who s trying to console you.
7. You feel you are a waste and don’t have a purpose in your life.
8. All of a sudden you get this urge to stare into oblivion and cry. Cry your heart out.
9. The only place you want to visit is probably the loo (for gals :D)
10. Oh God!!!! WHY ME?????

Now 10 things you are not supposed to do :
All of the above!!!!

I see some heads swinging with disgust, some in agreement and some in disappointment!!
Ah…well. I told you, it’s one of those days for me!

Then I look at the bookmark I’ve on my monitor:

When I need a word of comfort, He is there!
When I struggle neath a burden, He is there!
When the blue skies turn to grey,
And i cannot find my way
At the closing of the day, He is there!
When I cannot face tomorrow, He is there!
When my life is filled with sorrow, He is there!
When I dread the coming dawn,
And it seems I can't go on,
When my hope is almost gone, HE is there!!




Yes this is true, He has been there all the time and loves me even more when I run to him with a paining heart and teary eyes.
Our bond strengthens with every passing day and I love him for I’ve found the Bestest friend in Him.

Thank you my Savior for guiding me and for being my refuge.

Love,
Your Child

Colours fade but vanish never!

When tears roll down and you know it is for him
You regret the moment more than anything
When you let him walk away
Never to come back and never for you to have

You recollect all the wonderful times
When just a smile passed would send shivers
His gentle touch and caring words
Seems to fade and wither

You thought he is yours forever
But love in your heart you showed him never
You left him alone in the name of sanity
And held a hand and called it sympathy

Love was never yours to have
With the pain that you’ve caused
Free your soul from your reveries first
Reckon and understand that you are blessed

To have so many hearts that care
You search but you’d find that’s rare
When all that you want is there for you
Why don’t you love them back and be a bit fair

Now he is gone forever in a land so new
Better than your dejection and the feeling so blue
But now when you should be happy for him
You want him back at the slightest clue

You dream of a life with his hand in yours
But that hand is held so tight by someone else
You cry in vain as you want him back
Wishing all hands held are not supposed to last

A pang of guilt hits your heart and you shudder
Shame on you to think of such blunder
Why can’t you be happy seeing the one you love at peace
Why do you wish so bad and endlessly pray for things to cease?!

The answer comes from the depths of my heart
Now I know the denial and the arrogance was not very smart
I knew in the heart of hearts that I loved him
But I was blinded by something which I care of so much

Am I helping myself when I am doing this
Is the question I frequently ask and miss
If the life would’ve been so easy and had less spice
The colors wouldn’t be there, as black and white would suffice

The gray areas of life unfathomed and unknown
Makes me all blinded when the truth is shown
Then I go haywire in the search of my shadow
Which is so much a part of me but doesn’t make itself known.

At times like this I feel sad and gloomy
Inability to see the obvious is my life’s irony
The wait for the day still continues
When I discover and sing life’s true melody

Hey, it rhymes! :D

Today I sit here in this room,
Thinking which of my talents to groom
Perplexed I stare at the screen
With a thought so complex yet so serene

Where am I standing in this mad race?
Lost and confused losing my pace!

Had a dream cherished very long in heart
Still dazed I wonder from where to start!

Challenges called me but did I face?
Pieces of life started falling at its own place

I know I know I have to fight back
But Perspective and courage both I lack!

Sports... freak me out!

Was one helluva of a sporty day yesterday. After sweating it out at my workplace ;), i just wanted to go home and sleep to give some rest to my groggy throat and seductive red eyes.
But destiny has its own plans as they say, i found myself staring at 2 people playing ping pong (TT). Left - right, left - right. That was soooo rejuvenating to say the least!!
After sometime i experienced some unknown forces compelling me to do something, some voices wispering in my ears, my heart started beating faster... I stood up, pushed the person aside, took the weapon from him and shot the bullet straight at my rivals head. There was blood all over, screams and chaos. But people caught me and then i had to continue playing the toughest game ever Ping Pong!! I just don't understand the rules of the game. The area is so confined. But i was shooting the ball in all direction possible and with all the styles possible. Alas Debo got fed up and took up the humongous task of training me! :D
He taught me stand in a particular crooked, scanty posture. I am sure I must be looking like a retard at that moment with my red eyes bulging out in anticipation (lacking) for the ball and more for my beloved sleep and my right hand stuck weirdly to my right sidee.
Anyways destiny had it and i was trying hard not to smack the ball at anybody's face and desperately place it at least once on the table. pri had enough of my game, she deftly rolled her eyes in exasperation and summoned Debo to satisfy her gaming urge. I was relieved but also a bit ashamed of myself. :P
I've had it enough. I wanted to free my cramped hand now so then i tried my hands at Pool. Now Vivek the Champ in billiards came forward and told me how to use the stick to aim the balls!!
Got the hang of this game pretty fast. Basically i liked the whole idea of it. ;)
Then there was no stopping and the balls were just waiting for a direction from me and zoom zoom zapp.... applaud!! I won of course in partnership with Vivek. How many pots?! come on dude.. be a sport! I don't count and all. Vivek would have felt bad na. O:)

so stay tuned for some more sporting action from me... very hungry now. Should have my lunch on time na so running(yeah i am great at that as well ;))

ciao!

They say, you don’t value anything unless you have it and then it is gone. Why can’t we possess what we have all our lives?
They say, don’t love too much you’ll get hurt but whatever you do, do it with complete conviction. (irony!!)
They say, give relationships air to breathe otherwise it becomes like the sand held tightly in the hand. After some time you notice, it is not there any more. What if I keep my palm open and wind takes it away?
They say, share your joys and triumphs with the world but don’t cry your heart out to every single person. How would the world understand I am really, genuinely happy unless they know all the sorrows I have faced?!
They say, hiding some truths at some points in life is important for relationships to sustain. What if a person is struggling to lie to himself?
They say a lot, they talk a lot, I can hear them all the time but why is it that when I am talking, all I can hear is an echo of my voice?
Why am I still alone?

Mee... So good! ?

Me : Long time!!!

Logical Me : Why?

Me : Had nothing to write re.

LM : Now don't tell me, you have stopped thinking also, you have stopped being you!

Me: Not again. At least you don't say that. i've not changed for God sakes. ( Really? Why is everybody saying the same thing?)

As they say, " If there is smoke fire sure has been kindled somewhere".

Phew... No clue what and how much has changed in me.

There is one reason though which refrained me from writing. Reviews and previews of my thoughts, my actions. Why do we let these things affect us so much? Are they not meant to correct us and help us grow.
Now if i decide to look down at myself then there is nothing that anybody else can do about it. Hmmmm...

So the deal is, i've to constantly pat myself on the back even if i do a simple thing like may be comb my hair properly! ;)
A friend told me all of us do that and it helps. True. Isn't it?
So now though this is a shabby piece of writing, I (realized it has to capitals always ;)) am gonna pat myself on the back because I finally wrote something after a long gap. :D:D
(clap clap clap)

Showers of blessing!

It has inspired many a poets and writers to pen down their romanticism in a very candid manner. It has got this immense power to cheer up people just by its touch.

It emanates a beautiful fragrance whenever it touches the dust of earth…

Yes I am talking about rain. The divine elixir of life – “water” in one of its best forms.

When the monsoon disembarks in all its beauty, some souls become ecstatic while some start cribbing about the mess it creates.

The kid in us is provoked to forget all the miseries of the world and drench ourselves in the shower of God’s blessings.

The Cupid struck couple can be seen walking far away sharing sweet nothings.

Ever wondered where all this love and innocence is lost as years pass by. Recently I saw a movie in which a man says “Love is something meant for the youth, once you grow old there is nothing called as Love.” That pricked me so hard. How can anyone ever exist without Love? Beyond my understanding it is.

I’ve often seen my parents fighting over trivial matters, I used to shout at them but to no avail. It was like ringing a bell to make it more noisy when already the trumpet(Mom) and drum(Dad) where at their best. Now I realize it was nothing but thunders just like it is before rains. After a good spell of rain everything is green and beautiful again. All we need is hope and courage!!

I was taught this song by my Mom..

There shall be showers of Blessings

This is the Promise of Love

There shall be seasons refreshing

Sent from the Savior above….

Showers of Blessings…

Showers of blessing we need

Mercy drops round us are falling

But for the showers we plead.

Beautiful words na?

Whenever I sing it, it fills me with a hope for a better tomorrow. When I see a tiny drop sparkling on my cheek, I am assured that God is watching over me, taking care of me at every step I take and blessing with his showers of blessings.

Dieting or Die eating?!

Well… I was nailed and no escape this time. For some time now I’ve been hearing comments like “kuch kar Jincy”, “ye kya hai?” or just a polite reminder like, “ Jincy, moti ho gai”. Well say it the way you want but the reality was brought to my notice after actually bombarding me with it.

I always had some lame excuse for such comments like – “chod na be”

“Kya karna hai”…

But this time I said something very stupid like, “If I want I can be slim!!!!” hehehe..

And with perfect timing one of my friend’s stupid message tone gave a perfect background score for the blasphemy I made. Toingggg!!!

Now thoroughly embarrassed I decide to actually start dieting. The only difference being that this time I was not going to die eating like every other time.

My friend grabbed the chance and came up with something like a modeling assignment for me. Well he is very sure I am not going to do it so he risked saying that.

Now the challenge : I am supposed to loose considerable amount of weight which should be duly reflected in my size!! Phew..

Today is just the 2^nd day and I’ve managed to eat proper and use the stairs instead of lift. Every time I finish 1 floor, I feel I’ve already lost 1 kg!! By the time I reach the 5^th floor I am all panting and drooped as if I just finished a trekking expedition!

Oh! But it has been just 2 days. A full 2 months and 28 days remaining. Help me Lord…

But I’ve accepted the challenge which means bye bye Mc. D, bye bye Caramel popcorn, chocolates, Pizzas, Cad-B… ummmm…

Hey, I think I need to re-think about this whole deal… :D

Falling Leaves

i don't know who wrote this but i loved it...

Falling Leaves


I was thinking of old friends today

and how many of them have slipped away.

Moved, got married, or stopped calling so much,

Found new friends, got busy, and just lost touch.

It reminded me of falling leaves .

Every autumn the leaves fall from the trees.

Some stay longer than others, but eventually -

Each leaf must fall, I'm told,

leaving the tree alone to face the cold.

Why is it that in the time of utmost need

the leaves would seek to leave the tree?

And when we need our friends around

we look and they cannot be found?

Of course these friendships come and go

and in the spring new leaves will grow.

But I prefer autumn friends of old

with crackling laughter and colors bold.


And then I thought of you.

That one stubborn leaf that won't let go.

That clings despite the winds that blow.

Fighting ice, and snow, and winter's stings

Hanging on right through till spring.

So I guess that's what you are to me -

The very last leaf to leave the tree.

I know it seems silly, but it's true.

When I see that last leaf...I think of you.

....don't drift away.... will you???

-Anonymous

The trip!

Hurrah! We completed one full year in the IT field! Well it was time for celebration! Not for the professionals in us, but for the friendship we nurtured for the last one year. We all saw so many good and bad times together. We all went through it together as a family.

There was some kind of bonding due to which we all gelled instantly…

So, now we all decide to go for a trip. After a lot of cajoling finally 18 people froDm the batch of 28 agreed to privilege each other with their esteemed presence! :)

The date was set, destination finalized and now the arrangements were being done under the able guidance of Robo, Vivek and Sarang!

Pri was the transportation incharge and the financial advisor…

Then followed the 14 excited bunch of morons… Ask them things like : When are you leaving?

Sometime in the morning. (chalo utna to pata hai)

How are you going : pata nahi, train, bus, taxi… (thank God Flight nahi bole!)

When are you coming back?

That we all knew… Monday to vapis aana hi padega!!

Saturday morning used to be so peaceful, no hassles... just sleep! But today the damned alarm started screaming at an ungodly hour. After cursing my decision to go for the trip 100 times, I finally get up and see Yam and Dam already worried about how to get to the station. They finally look relieved when I start brushing my teeth…

After ensuring all doors were locked for protecting our “valuables”, we left in search for an auto at 5:30 in the morning… the bags that we were carrying were so big, anyone would’ve easily assumed that we are running off with our boyfriends!

After patiently waiting for an auto which was nowhere in sight, Yam headed towards a cab with Dam and me in tow. She went to the cab with such a confidence as if it was sent to pick us up. Thankfully, the driver was generous enough to give us free ride till Kothrud. May the Lord bless his soul. From there with wada paav in our hands, we majestically sat in an auto and headed towards station, for we were supposed to get into some train. Our stomachs started growling with hunger, we headed towards Good Luck bakery. We ordered 3 bun maskas... ummm.. we savored the mouth watering delicacy ardently with all the butter and jam dripping from it.. :P

The transportation coordinator Pri who knew all of us very well told every soul that the departure time is 6:45 for two reasons:

1. To ensure everyone reaches there well before time.( Pri is a kind of paranoid about missing the train!!)
2. Knows us very well, so was sure that, no one is going to check the train timings…(lazy bunch of donkeys).

Now, Debo was like really hungry and The King placed an order for momos when every one was running helter skelter to board the train. (still everyone is unaware of the actual time).

Pri aiding to her paranoia is after Debo’s life. The Momos finally arrive and so does the train!!

Pri : Debo, train aaye gechi.

Angry Debo : aami khaabi ki na na?

Everyone ran out to catch the train and also to protect themselves from Debo’s fury...

When everyone is safely and much much before time on board, the time of departure is announced. All eyes on Pri and Pri with her endearing cute smile and that innocent shrug of hers conveyed the message…

The journey starts and immediately as if some timer was set we start singing songs and then begins the age old best time pass - Antakshari. A trip without Antakshari is so incomplete!

When the stock of songs started drying up and when all throats were soar from the sing(shriek)ing , we started parading the train. Remembering the good old childhood days, the only difference being The hunt was for some eye candy ;)

The over excited souls i.e. Maloo, Dam, Jincy occupied the consecutive doors of the train and were peeping out and waving at each other accompanied with huge hollering as if we were seeing each other after ages of separation. The mesmerizing beauty of the Sahyadri range caught our breath. When we came back to our senses, the photographer (Ranu ) with his 12000X optical zoom camera was summoned to capture the splendor. But nothing matched what our eyes were seeing, the fresh air that we were inhaling when people were grateful enough to flush properly.

Yam was woken up from her top birth of bliss, Debo joined us, Swapya also was seen hanging out from one of the windows. Rudy joined me in one of the doors and started reminiscing his days in hometown Shillong!!

Well, after creating a lot of hoopla and getting scolded by the concerned uncles and aunties we reached Karjat which people kept on calling Katraj. Three vans and 18 hooligans. All the while the “hera pheri” scene where people are stuffed in a van to the point of oozing out of the windows came to our mind.

We even survived the deadly Ghats, the twists and turns were deadlier than the Abbas Mustan movies. Yam, the brave heart chose to sit on a wooden box with the luggage. With every turn, we could hear Yam’s heart beating faster and louder than the horses running by.

Finally we reached Matheran! The drizzle was embalming to our ecstatic souls… And we gawked at each other and the path which was a mighty 14 kms walk. After one full year of drudgery, it was just the right place to be. We started our walk towards the unknown destination with all the excitement and vigor…

The search within...

I formed these lyrics so as to fit into a tune… I mean I started singing it just like dat..

Everybody is trampling me…

My head is down, can’t see a thing..

I wave my hand for help in the air

But every time it falls down in despair

The darkness of my thoughts is swallowing me

There is a shallow light but it can’t reach me

I persuade myself to walk a mile more

But the road traveled has made my feet real sore

Dreams and ambitions have started to fade

With hopes and duties forming a façade

Wish to spend some time alone

But my own shadow looks like somebody else’s clone

I cry and I die but nobody shows pity

I search but I find no soul in vicinity

Haunted and daunted I cry out loud

My tears and thoughts forming a cloud

A ray of hope shines somewhere in my heart

But I am so flustered, can’t figure it out

A voice within me is calling from the shroud

But I neglect thinking it’s my heart’s pound

I sit down wondering of my grave antiquity

How good it feels to call it serendipity

but now I know only I can make it happen

my future, my life and my destiny...

Love... eternal!!

C’mon… don’t tell me. You also??!!

You also believe in passing by affairs!! That comment made by one of my friends kept hammering my head. Made me feel like I’ve committed a big crime. Well… it is a crime of sorts to put your integrity and family prestige at stake!! Oh shit!! I’ve broken their trust. I’ve fallen in LOVE!!

Yeah yeah… the same old story, same old inhibitions. Well I was not jolted from this reality out of the blue. It was there... rather it was a part of me all the while…

But this thing it just happens, you are not prepared, you are completely unarmed and bang the Cupid’s cute arrow goes through your heart and you are left all smeared with love divine…

A cute smile, some flirting, throw few compliments and Whoosh... poof Love is in the air!! Then you can spot the cute couple all hot for each other in every nook and corner possible.
Shopping becomes a ritual and so does going for movies.
This continues till the guy realizes how rapidly his salary is vanishing or when they get bored of each other...
What the heck...

Is this really the face of love now?

JUNO...

If I was a flower growing wild and free

All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.

And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen

All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free

All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.

And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen

All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,

The rumble of your water would be my call.

If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow

Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod

If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.

If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug

And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.

If you were the love, I'd be the desire.

If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,

And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride

Take me by the hand and stand by my side

All I want is you, will you stay with me?

Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

Life!

This I wrote when I volunteered for a camp...

It was a real humbling experience sharing the life ke funde with them, their take on life. The way how they are happy even after all the adversities being faced by them. They have this urge to make it big no matter what it takes. At the age of 12, these girls are the sole bread winners in the family. Still they take out time to study and pursue their goals. They are just less fortunate but his world is surely theirs to have. I salute their dedication and perseverance.

Nanhi si aankhon me sapne anek

Khushi hai man me aaj inko dekh

Maasoom se dil aaj ufaan par hai

Dilo me khwaaisho ki halchal si hai

(their was a story telling session for the girls. All were given a paper and a pencil and were asked to write down whatever comes to their mind. The inspiration came from the story of Anne Frank. I couldn’t stop myself and this is what I wrote.)

Today, sitting under this humongous tree, lots of thoughts are streaming my mind. My life, my people, ME. Why, whenever we start thinking, its always my… something, not “me” or “I”?

Most of our life is spent thinking about what may happen, what went wrong, what next… but what about NOW, the most important phase of anyone’s life?!

Writing this, I survey my surroundings, people sitting here with excited faces, sheer enthusiasms they have being expressed on a blank sheet of paper. But, NO.. I am not supposed to think about anything or even keep in mind that people are sitting near me. This is what our problem is. We just don’t value ourselves. Then giving time to “our” thoughts becomes s difficult.

I sit here under the tree

Voices fading in my vicinity

Sun shows bright and shines over me

Split second I wish I had wings and wanna flee

Emotions are swelling up in the core of my heart

Is this just a routine or a new ray of THE start

They say I am special and I can do it

But do I know myself even a bit?!

Will I ever be able to serve myself

When the most difficult thing to do is to love yourself....

The journey...

Today i start this blog and tomorrow i'll be completing 1 full year in KPIT....

Travelling in the time machine it seemed…

Clouds passed by as years were passing by… The sky was as clear as the heart of a 2 yr old. I was lost in my thoughts and gazing at the sky intently. Felt like reaching out to the clouds. My thoughts were floating with them. But something was holding me back.

Myriad of dreams, emotions started disturbing the peace of my soul again. But this time I was determined not to drift away.

I wanted to explore life in its entirety.

Some voices started booming in my ears. Do this, do that, NO, why? How can u? and so on… suddenly I realized my mind was so polluted with the concerns voiced by my people that I just couldn’t think clearly.

Once, I met a person. I met her for some help. According to me, I was simply sharing few things of my life with her. During that small conversation of 15 mins, she screened me in and out. She came out with what really I am, where exactly the problem lies and what I need to do about that. I was dumbstruck. Couldn’t think of anything at that moment.

Later when I was analyzing the situation (out of my habit of thinking too much), I asked myself certain things. How often do I listen to my heart’s voice? When, during the whole day, I’ve even 5 mins when I am all alone and just by myself? And many such questions. Albeit, the answers to all was a big NEVER!!! I realized, I went to her with problems and solutions all readily available with me.

Alas, the angels and demons of my soul are always going to be in contradiction, how foolish of me to doubt the turmoil of my heart. How foolish was it to blame it on the surrounding and people. Soon it the reality struck hard, it was ME all the way…

Finally...

After a lot of thinking and apprehensions... today i successfully started "The Blog".
Just can't explain the feeling but something churned inside me when i hit the start blogging button..
A fear gripped my whole being as if i was being exposed to the shrewd critic side of humanity... All my ecstasies, all my fears will not be just mine anymore...

Oh Crap... how can anyone even read it unless i tell them to.. hehe..
The reason why i finally started was because some one argued with me saying it is just an electronic diary dear. Easy to maintain!!
I was like... Wow! That's amazing... coz the kind of wreckage i have of my musings, they cry out to me for an abode...
So, here i go... :)